Mario goes down a weed pipe
by Penutsonfire
Summary: haha get it its funny because marios smoking weed and he usually doesnt smoke weed because thats for adults and marios for kids
1. a new beginning

One day mario and luigi were just chilling like total gangsters on the beach epicly, because they felt like it and also it was relevant to the plot.

"hey luigi," said mario, sitting on the hot sand looking at his equally hot brother. Luigi was rocking a regular old pair of swimming trunks, but had the chance to show off his slender body and muscly chest. But of course mario had the best view of all, as he was positioned at the opposite end of luigi.

"what is it, my brother mario." said luigi, seeing his brother at the end of his legs, looking wistfully at him.

"hows about I warm up them hot toes before taking a dip in that cold ocean?" said mario, gesturing his hands in a grabbing motion at Luigi's soft feet.

"how many times do i have to tell you mario, im not intending to swim today." said luigi, opening his thrilling romance novel on the beach.

"what a waste." said mario, before jumping in the ocean himself, either attempting to drown himself violently or becaue he wanted to swim,

but when

mario jumped in the ocean, he hit a cheep cheep and was in his small form so he yelled "mama mia" and then fell out of bounds.

Oh my fucking god said luigi.

When mario was woke up he was in a hospital, and he saw luigi standing over him.

"mario, i am so glad to see you are alive and very woke." said luigi as he had been looking at mario's twitter ( therealmario).

"you're darn right, and we live in a society." said mario, getting up after his close encounter with death.

Therefore, after they paid their $15,000 hospital bill, they returned to their average, american, middle class home.

When they entered mario stretched his arms out as if to say oh boy im really in the mood for some spaghetti right now, and then he said "oh boy im really in the mood for some spaghetti right now."

but when he walked in, the only thing he saw on the table was a funny looking object that was not spaghetti

""whart is that?!"

"mario don't touch it, that's a weed pipe, and drugs are bad!" said luigi

"pipe? Hey, its a me mario! I go down pipes! Lets a go!" said mario

"such an idiot." said his brother, who then went in with him.

Once he entered, mario got super high and it was funny.

"whoah bro im like tripping out dude, lmao." said mario.

"Oh my god, mario, you need to stop before your addicted to drugs mario." said Luigi, grabbing his brother.

"no man, its like awesome dude, you need to do this drug also." said mario, peer pressuring his brother by holding a joint to his face.

"omg no well both die if we do that." said luigi.

"but i eated the mushroom, so i can't die, even if i take a hit (pun intended)" said mario

"mario, drugs don't kill you like that. Instead you become addicted. You can't stop taking the drugs, chasing that high fruitlessly until you die." said luigi

mario felt that and he started to cry because he thought he was going to die.

"no, its already too late for me." said mario, now holding a gun to his head with tears in his eyes.

"no mario," luigi said, putting his hand on his brother's shoulder "its not too late for you, you can get help."

mario looked at his brother "r-really?"

"yes, for you at least. However..." said luigi, now tears were in his eyes (but only because of the smoke everywere luigi is not a wimp like mario)

"what, what is it?" said mario

"it is already too late for me..." said luigi, tkaing off his cap solemnly

"explain" said mario

"mario... I AM ADDICTED TO DRUGGs. How did you thik i know so much about it. This weed pipe is mine and ive been hiding my weed addiction for 12 years. Now I am going to die for my sins." said luigi, collapsing on the floor.

"Oh my god, luigi" said mario, running over to his brother who was now on the floor.

"cough cough. Mario, as my final message, just know that i love you." said luigi

"lol gay." said mario, because luigi didn't say no homo.

Luigi then died in his brother's arms, and it was sad

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (Just know that this "no" was literally an entire page long before fanfiction cut it down like the assholes they are.)" said mario.

Later that day was luigis funeral and soon after everyone forgot about him because he was not mario.

Toad then walked into marios house at some later time.

"oh my gosh mario, are you smoking weed?" said toad

"yeah bro, wanna join?" said mario

"no thank you. By the way, wasn't that luigi's weed pipe?" said toad

"Who?" said mario

"lugi, you're brother?" said toad

"oh yeah he gave it to me." said mario

"ok whatever, have fun with your weed man." said toad as he left

to be continued...


	2. Epic mario epic mario epic mario epic ma

Once upon a time mario was just chilling in his living room, living an average, ordinary life alone and by himself as a bachelor. But then he looked up and saw something strange.

"Oh my god, the title says mario goes down a weed pipe, so i guess I better do that. Lets a go." said Mario, climbing up to the attic of his apartment and jumping down the old weed pipe he had gotten as an heirloom.

But all of a sudden, a sppoky ghost appeared in from of him.

"ahhhhh! Who are you?' said a pooked morio

"Im a your brother, Luigi, how could you forget me?" said Lugi

"oh yeah, I think im a going to go down your a weed pipe man." said mario

"why.' said luigi

"look at the title." said mario

"oh yeah, but you really shouldn't actually. I wouldn't want you to scrathc it." said Luigi

"why should you even care if it gets damaged? Your a goast." said Mario

"OK, you know what, whatever. But you haven't seen the last of me." said Luigi, as he was able to disappear because he was a ghoast.

"Ok, i gueass i should go in now." said mario as he jumped into his weeed pipe.

Now that mario was in his weed pipe, it reminded him of the good old days when he first whent in the weed pipe 28 years ago. The memories made him cry a little.

"now what was i supposed to do here anyways. Why would the title ask me to do this instead of living my mediocre life." said Mario.

Of course, this didn't matter to mario, he had done his job that was ordained to him by the Divine forces that controlled his very existence, or at least, that was how it seemed to him.

"Well, anyways, I guess i should go." said mario, feeling somewhat unfulfilled.

But as he jumped to get out of his weed pipe, he soon found out that he couldn't. It was stuck

"what is happening?" said mario

a little while before mario tried to escape on the surface world, outside of the weed pipe, princess peach had gone over to give her saviour mario a visit, because it had been a while since she had been kidnapped by bowser and she was lonely.

"mario, where are you?" said peach.

But mario was not there at the moment.

Peach looked around the house for mario, but didn't find anything of value. So then she looked in the attic, and guess what caught her eye? That's right, it was the weed pipe, you feel good about yourself now?

She walked up to it and said.

"what fine craftman ship, this could be worthy a pretty penny. Im sure mario wouldn't notice if this went missing." said Peach

"oh i need to seal up the top first to preserve the contents of this, it'll be worth more I think." said Peach, sealing up the weed pipe. And thats why mario couldn't escape

a few hours later, Peach went into the local pawnshop to sell the weedpipe for drug money.

"Here it is sir, just like you asked." said peach haning over the pipe.

"I didn't ask you for anything, but this thing has really fine craftmanship, and its contents are in good shape so I'll give you 4,000 american dollars for it." said the guy in pawn shop

"dang it, ok here." said peach taking the money, but she was sad because USD had a weak conversion rate to Coins.

Soon after, the guy at the pawnshop opened up the weed pipe and took a look inside, unfortunately he did not expect a smelly man to jump up at him.

"mama mia, its hot in there." said mario, looking really sweaty.

"Damn bro, u ok?" said the guy.

"Oh yeah, i was a trapped in there like a baby in a hot car. But now that im free i can go home and live my unfulfilling and thouroughly dissappointing life." said mario.

"Not so fast spaghetti boy, I was sold this pipe along with all of its contents. That is to say, everything inside the pipe, and since you were inside that pipe, that means you belong to me now." said the guy.

"Oh, mama mia! Is there anything i can do, or am i gonna be your slave until the end of time?" said mario nervously.

"Hmmm, well, I've never owned a slave before, now that you put it like that. I think ill keep you." said the guy.

And from then on, mario was nothing more than a pet to the pawn shop owner. He was kept like an animal in a cage, and only let out on specific occasions.

Needless to say, life was a little bad for mario, but he had a plan. He walked up to the owner and made him a deal he couldn't refuse.

"Here, $10,000 dollars in cash for that pipe, and everything it came with." said mario, handing the man a large pile of money.

"what the heck? Where did you get all that dough?" said the shocked man

"Hey, you shouldn't ask so many questions. There are many places you can get $10,000, but not all of them are legal." said mario.

"well, i guess i can't complain, money is money." said the owner

"haha! You idiot, now i have my pipe, and my freedom! See you later sucker!" said mario

now mario was free, and all it cost was $10,000, his dignity, and several war crimes.

As mario walked down the street, as he usually did, like always, he ran into peach.

"oh shit, mario, its you, where have you been, you've been missing for 2 months." said peach.

"Yeah, i was sold into slavery after being trapped in this weed pipe I got from some guy." said Mario

"Oh yeah, I did that lmao." said peach.

"lol ok." said mario, walking back home, alone.

But he wasn't alone long, as that ghost from earlier reappeared.

"whoa, a ghost." said mario.

"yes, its me Luigi, your brother. I told you id come back, didn't i?" said Luigi

"I have a brother?" said mario.

"bruh." luigi said

"Anyways, what did you want to tell me?" said mario.

"I just wanted to say I am disappointed. I mean, what the hell was that chapter? Slavery, really. And that whole set up was contrived as hell. This story really went downhill after I died, didn't it?" said Luigi

"ok boomer." said Mario, walking away

anyways, i couldn't think of a proper way to end this

the end


	3. marios epic journey

The streets of L.A. are not a good place to be homeless in, but unfortunately for Mario, this was the life he was consigned to now. After 10 years of going down a weed pipe, his life was utterly destroyed by his dependence on that cursed weed pipe and now mario was left as a useless hobo on the streets.

"darn, i think someone warned me about the dangers of going down this weed pipe a long time ago. I really should have listened to them. Oh well, at least I still have my weed pipe to keep me company." said mario, going down the weed pipe once more for his 7th fix that day.

After his weed pipe session, mario realized he needed sustenance in order to exist in this society. So he grabbed his spear and got ready to on the hunt. The lands of L.A. were wild and untamed, perfect for the apex hunter that was mario.

Mario slowly approached a small pool of water and began to scan his eyes, looking for his next meal of perhaps a small fish or a seaweed snack. His eyes soon met on a small figure thrashing about in the pool, and mario knew it was his time to strike.

However, mario's actions were soon met with immediate criticism. A police officer soon approached him and tried to pull him away or find a way to dis arm him.

"hey man, get off me! Not everyone can afford to live as lavishly as you, pig!" shouted mario, trying to get the policeman off of him.

"sir, this is a public fountain, and you were attacking a small child that fell in by accident." said the police officer

"Hey, its not my fault that child fell in there. If he didn't want to be attacked, he shouldn't have fallen in there in the first place." protested mario.

"Look, just get out of here before I'm forced to beat you up like any respectable police officer would do." said the police officer.

Unfortunately, mario couldn't risk such a threat and was forced to continue to live under the oppressive authority of this capitalist society.

"oh well, at least I still have my weed pipe." said mario

but this expresssion was ill timed as mario came back to his corner in the alley to find that his weed pipe was missing. OMG!

"This cannot stand!" said mario, sitting down.

Fortunately for him, a clue to finding out this mystery was found in the form of a note laying on the ground where his weed pipe formerly laid. At first mario was dissapointed in such a trade, as mario couldn't go down a piece of paper and get high like he could a weed pipe. However, this all changed when mario discovered that the paper had writing on it. What a discovery!

Mario was a bit rusty when it comes to reading exactly what the letter said, but he managed to get through just ok. The letter in questioned read:

_Dear Pesky Plumber, _

_The Koopalings and I have taken over the Mushroom Kingdom!_

_Your Weed Pipe is now a permanent guest at one of my seven Koopa hotels,_

_I dare you to find it if you can!_

_From, _

_Bowser _

"I gotta find that weed pipe!" said mario

Now mario was forced to shape up if he wanted to go and rescue his weed pipe. Of course, to mario it was easy to get to the mushroom kingdom, the hard part was managing to rescue his weed pipe. Fortunatley for you, the audience, all that koopaling crap was super boring so I'll just skip to the part where he kills bowser's bitch ass.

Mario stood proudly in front of bowser's menacing, but epic looking castle. What was once a desperate and pathetic man had been shaped and molded into a heroic and brave plumber man, thanks to some extremely deep and compelling character development that happened off screen.

"looks like this is it," said Mario, his six-pack glistened against the fiery doors of bowser's castle "wouldn't you agree, Bowser Jr.?"

he looked down at his former-enemy turned friend, bowser jr., who had grown closer to him despite all odds in an extremely gripping and heart-rending scene between the two.

"I sure am! My pops got nothing on you, you fantastic hunk of linguini!" said bowser jr admirably.

The two immediately charged through the castle like it was nothing, not even bowser's most elite troops, the hammer brothers, could stop them both.

They entered the throne room confidently, and before them stood bowser himself, and beside him was the fabled weed pipe, the object of his desire that he had dedicated this entire journey to. Peach was also there too, but nobody cared.

"Alright bowser, hand it over!" said mario, in reference to the weed pipe and not peach.

"Oh, you want it, don't you? You'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands!" said bowser.

The two charged at one another in an epic clash of destiny. But mario won because he is the main character. Bowser layed defeated on the ground, but mario wouldn't kill him because he is also a nice guy.

"Please spare me," said bowser "you can take the weed pipe, but you must know one thing."

mario was confused, but intrigued. He was careful so it wouldn't be a trap. Soon, bowser got up and began to look as if he was undressing. Just then, mario realized that this bowser was no bowser at all, but a hyperrealistic fur suit that just so happened to look exactly like bowser, and it looked the the culprit was taking off this elaborate suit.

"Could it be?" said mario, tears streaming down his face.

Then, suddenly before him stood his tall lanky counterpart, clad in green.

"Who are you?" said mario

"Its me mario, your brother, Luigi." Luigi said, holding out his arms to embrace his brother.

"But luigi, I thought you died all those years ago due to the coronavirus." said mario in reference to this topic situation that will certainly age well.

"No mario, I faked my death at the hands of the weed pipe all those years ago in order to make sure you'd never use it for evil. However, I was wrong and my warning went unheeded. The only thing left to do was to steal the weed pipe in a vain hope that I'd have my brother back." said Luigi, with tears in his eyes.

"Luigi, I've really grown and changed on this long and arduous journey, and only now do I realize that I never really needed the weed pipe... I needed you." said mario, embracing his brother for the first time in years.

Finally the two had reunited, and the coins mario had collected on his journey allowed them to buy a stable home and live a peaceful life.

2 weeks later Luigi came home from his job as a plumber (what else do you think they worked as). Upon entering the living room he found mario in a trance.

"mario, what are you doing." said Luigi

"yo, did you know if you jumped down this weed pipe you could like, get super high lmao." said mario

"goddammit" said Luigi

THE END


End file.
